J A M E S ' s J O U R N A L

Breath deeper, daydreamer

2009-12-15T23:36:52Z

I had a fantastic weekend. Firstly I watched my favourite film, Amelie, which is just so perfect in every way. It's such a nice feelgood story, is beautifully filmed, has a gorgeous soundtrack (Yann Tiersen) and of course Audrey Tautou is perfection. But it also makes me laugh more than any other film (i.e the gnome, the playfulness of Amelie) and I love the observational stuff too, about bubble wrap and creme brulee etc. The film is directed almost entirely in red and green, so I wore odd socks of red and green especially. 98/100. Speaking of which, it's that time of year when every other advert on TV is either aftershave or perfume - have you seen the brilliant new Chanel advert? It stars Audrey Tautou and is directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet (who directed Amelie): On Saturday night I went to Telfords, my favourite place in Chester for a christmas get-together with friends. Me and a dozen or so friends ate a nice meal, wore christmas hats, I had a few Shropshire Lads and, later, a Trashy Blonde (they're drinks). Much later the numbers had dwindled to three hardy souls, so after hoe-downing to the band, we had a good ole' dance to various classics that included The Pixies, Stone Roses, The Smiths and - blast from the plast time - Menswe@r ("breath deeper, daydreamer"). Twas a good night indeed. My weekend also included a Cirque Du Soleil DVD. I'm in love once again with Olga Pikhienko, the Russian contortionist. I'd love to go to see Cirque Du Soleil again - I went to see Quidam about eight years ago I think (before this journal was born) and had one of the best nights of my life. It's so creatively put together and the feats are jaw-dropping spectacular - I don't think I've ever been buzzing as much as when I walked out of the tent. And finally, last night I watched a program in which five budding modern artists had to produce pieces of art for an exhibition at the Saatchi Gallery. Modern Art is strange subject matter for a 'reality TV' show, since it is so subjective. As a result, I have decided that the Christmas tree I decorated at the weekend is actually an art installation titled 'Christmas In The Huxley Household'. It's a daring piece which challenges the viewer to consider the wider meaning of Christmas, via the medium of flashing lights, about thirty baubles and enough tinsel to go the moon and back.

Glass

2009-12-08T00:27:23Z

Glass and I didn't get on over the weekend. Firstly on Sunday I went to the garage to do some chores. A very inquisitive cat has been snooping around our garden and recently darted in to our house through the patio window, so I made sure I closed it on my way out. However, I completely forgot it was closed and *SLAM* banged in to it when I tried to re-enter. I'm amazed my forehead didn't get a big bruise (I could picture the conversation at work: "How did you get the bruise?", "I walked in to a door...", "Look James, is everything alright at home?"). Later that night I went to the bathroom to clean my teeth. We've recently had a brand spanking new bathroom installed, which includes a glass screen next to the shower. I'm obviously not used to it though because when I stepped in to the bathroom I saw a ghostly figure staring straight back at me! It took me about 0.3 nanoseconds to realise it was my own reflection but in that short space of time my heart practically leaped out of my ribcage. I blame Paranormal Activity, the film I saw at the cinema last week. Oh my god it was scary. Very Blair Witchy, very psychological and very tense [89/100]. Put it this way, I had a few restless nights in the week that followed... I kept imagining a figure stood at the end of my bed, watching me. I guess another film round-up is in order... The Escapist is about an old guy (that played Hannibal Lecter in the films before Anthony Hopkins) that has to escape from a prison to see his daughter who is ill. He devises a cunning plan and... I better not say in case you want to see it. It's quite cleverly done and has the potentially award-winning dialogue "You've got one thing going for you Frank... you're too old to die young" [81/100]. The Shooter, starring Mark Wahlberg, is about a sniper who is framed for the murder of the president and so goes on the run to prove his innocence. It's a bit like 'The Fugitive' but not as good, albeit with a hotter lead lady [81/100 - can't separate it from the other film]. The final film I have watched recently was Gia, about 'America's first supermodel' who was a drug addict and the first high profile female AIDS victim. I'll be honest, it wasn't my choice, although I did enjoy some of Angelina Jolie's more, erm, revealing scenes [75/100]. It's been chores, chores, chores for me recently. I got my car MOTed on Friday (anything less than £200 is a result) and then spent a couple of hours on Sunday mopping the floor with the new mop and bucket I recently bought. Unfortunately, the bucket I bought didn't have a squeegee board, so water sloshed on to the floor in far greater quantities than I would have liked. Damn, how could I go wrong buying a bucket? I also made an earth-shattering discovery when ironing. You can adjust the ironing board to be much lower, which means you can iron while sitting down. As a result I put something good on telly and ironed for TWO HOURS (instead of my usual half hour before getting bored). Then today I went to the post office to tax my car. It was lunchtime so there was a lengthy queue, including a short middle-aged guy who moaned about anything and everything for the entire fifteen minutes he was there. The woman he bombarded just nodded, mmmed and agreed with everything he had to say (basically, the world is a horrible place, we may as well all just give up now). Amusingly, a cheerful looking pensioner (flat cap and all) tapped him on the shoulder on the way out and said "thank you, you've really cheered me up!" Haha.

Update

2009-11-30T23:44:01Z

What is the most pain it's possible to be in? Being tortured by Jack Bauer? Childbirth? Wearing new shoes at a wedding? Well comfortably eclipsing any of those was the pain I've just endured, trying to take a plaster off my knee (unfortunately, when I put it on, I didn't align it very successfully). Oh. My. God. It brought a tear to my eye and a strange re(flex )action to pain I've never had before in which I clawed at my leg with my fingernails to try and disguise the primary pain a bit. So what's new? Well, my brothers girlfriend Lindsey has moved in, that's what. To mark the occasion, we've had a new bathroom installed (which looks great) and had the conservatory done up too (which looks even better). She's only been living here for two days and I have made a few observations: Five differences, now a woman lives at my place: 1. For the first time ever, my bathroom has a candle in it. And a flower in a vase. And wicker baskets in which you can put things. 2. She spent nearly an hour doing dishes tonight! One hour!! Doesn't she realise that dishes can be left to soak and there's no point spending too long cleaning surfaces because they'll only end up getting dirty anyway. 3. My kitchen has a bowl of fruit in it!!?! 4. I feel a tinge of guilt when I'm watching football on TV and she's in the room. To be fair, I try to compromise when it's a lesser match, for example a third tier match, and put a cookery program on instead. 5. We have fruit teas. Joking aside, I think it'll work well and the place is looking great. Well, it will once everything is packed away - it's a bit chaotic at the moment. I've used the move as an opportunity to have a 'clear out' of my own and today got rid of two full bin-bags of clothes. I had to be ruthless because at first I had the mentality 'I can't throw that away, it could come in useful' but then I had to remind myself that I hadn't worn it for nearly three years. Work is very good at the moment. I've got a really nice meaty project on (the new Visitors Guide) and also I've heard some really positive feedback from other jobs I have done this year. I had to design a campaign to tackle teenage pregnancy (see below) and it turns out that latest figures show that the campaign is a success and teenage pregnancies are down. Hooray! [I couldn't resist making one of the illustrations my friend Graham. That's him there, with his arms folded on the right!] The funny thing about this campaign, is that there are five posters, all different designs, each with a different message - i.e 'Be in Control', 'Be Safe', 'Be Yourself' etc. However one of them was 'Be Positive', which I suggested you couldn't possibly use for a teenage pregnancy campaign! Thankfully the client agreed and we changed it... Oh, another advantage of my bro's girlfriend moving in is obviously the financial aspect. The money will really help my 'travel fund', so next year hopefully I can go to some nice places. I'm still not sure where to go in March but usually I book over Christmas, so will resolve it soon. The favourite so far, based on recommendations and the fact that I want to go somewhere 'islandy', is the Philippines. However, I have nagging doubts, mainly because there isn't a backpackers trail as such (like Laos this year for example), which means it will be very difficult to meet people I think. I suppose that's the one thing that's holding me back... but maybe I just need to be adventurous and grasp the nettle - and accept I might have one or two homesick/lonely moments but it will be worth it.

Photoshoots

2009-11-20T16:41:17Z

This week has been a good week. I'm designing the new Visitors Guide which is a really nice project to get my teeth in to. I went on two photoshoots: Photoshoot 1: We needed a shot of a couple eating a nice meal outdoors. It had to look like summer, despite it being mid-November with a cold blustery wind, so the woman for example had a light, summery dress on. I felt sorry for her... I was cold in my leather jacket. She was a trooper though and didn't complain once and, if worst comes to the worst, I can always Photoshop her goosebumps out. Afterwards the owner of the restaurant insisted we stay for dinner. I've been watching a few cookery programs lately ('Masterchef' particularly) and noticed that monkfish features a lot ("I've never had monkfish" I told my bro). So when I saw it on the menu I ordered it without hesitation. The verdict? It was SPECTACULAR. It had a nice creamy sauce with a hint of tarragon and apparently the dish has been nominated for awards. Photoshoot 2: Then today we did a photoshoot at a really nice country pub, complete with thatched roof. I was one of the 'models', so had to dress in walking gear (I knew my walking boots would come in handy!) and drink a pint of beer in an assortment of poses. In front of a fire - check, beneath some copper kettles - check, at the bar - check. It was very difficult not being able to drink my drink. I feel that I injected plenty of personality in to my challenging role though and, at times, must have made a really very convincing rambler. I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't get chance to use my Zoolander pose, but think my research of watching 'America's Next Top Model' paid off beautifully. I was fierce.

Mop

2009-11-11T19:02:01Z

I think I annoyed people at the supermarket yesterday. I was at the checkout and piled my usual shopping on to the belt... as well as a mop and bucket. A ginger-haired student swiped each item through but when he picked up the mop he said: "I'm sorry, we can't sell this to you." I was a bit confused why a supermarket couldn't sell me a mop they had on display. "How come?" I asked. "It's been withdrawn." "Really, why?" I asked, wondering how a mop could possibly be dangerous. It only has two components - a wooden handle and the mop bit. "Not sure" the student said, "but we can't sell it to you." "Right, okay... well I really need a mop tonight" I said, which technically wasn't true, I just couldn't be bothered going back another night, "can I go and get another?" "Sure" the guy said. The woman behind me in the queue looked impatient as I walked past, through 'frozen foods' to the 'house and home' section. There were several other types of mops and I quickly opted for a vaguely futuristic looking one that had a squeegie lever (for the bargain price of just £7.99). I took it back to the counter. "I'll take this one instead" I said, handing it over. He beeped it through, then just as I was about to pay I had a brainwave... "Erm, waitaminute, can I just check that this mop fits in the bucket?" "Yeah sure" said the student, hiding his impatience admirably. Sure enough, as suspected, the super-mop wouldn't fit in to the bucket (which is one of the few things I actually ask for in a mop). "Erm, it doesn't fit" I said apologetically, "I better go and get another one. I'm really sorry about this..." The woman behind me in the queue stared daggers at me as I walked past. The story had a happy ending though. I finally got a mop, it fitted in to the bucket, and the woman got served eventually.

i-phones Ruin Pub Quizzes

2009-11-10T13:24:34Z

I had a fun weekend. On Friday I went for an Indian meal with a large group of friends then went to a club afterwards. The music was particularly bad (you know you've got a pretentious DJ when they play a dance remix of 'Sex On Fire') but the company was good. The night after I went for a game of pool (I was awesome) and then on Sunday I went to a pub quiz with more friends (I was awful). I believe that pub quizzes are facing a crisis with the advent of the i-phone. Four students on the next table unashamedly looked up every answer - what is the point of that?! I was drinking 'pear cider' so felt quite merry by the end while Beth almost dozed off in front of the coal fire. At one point I was throwing more coals on to the fire and my mate Graham said I looked like "a right amateur", struggling with the shovel/scuttle/whatever you call it. To be fair, I pointed out, "I've never been paid to shovel coal before". Last few weeks my bathroom has had a big overhaul (my brothers girlfriend is moving in). It's finished now and is looking great - no longer do I have a pink bath! That said, I don't think I've ever had a candle in my bathroom before. I enjoy engaging in conversation with blokey blokes, i.e workman. Despite the fact that I'm practically aristocracy coming from Chester, I believe that I can talk to people on all different levels... For example, I was talking to the workmen who were installing the new bathroom. "Toilet in yet?" I asked, as I handed one of them a brew. "Yeah, nearly done" he replied. "I can't wait to christen it!" I remarked bawdily. "Already have done mate!" said the other one, who looked like the best friend in Shaun Of The Dead. Lovely stuff.

Kseniya Simonova

2009-11-03T13:10:40Z

You must watch this video - it's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. It's the winner of Ukraine's Got Talent, Kseniya Simonova, but she isn't a Mariah Carey wannabe, or some tap-dancer (etc), she actually has immense talent. She tells a story by drawing a series of pictures in sand, to music (just click it, you'll see what I mean). The story she tells is about World War II and by the end people are crying in the audience it's so touching. I've never seen anything like it - it's incredible. Unbelievable, an artist winning a talent show!

Hair of the Dog

2009-11-02T23:50:19Z

I had an interesting weekend. My intention was to have a few quiet drinks with my friends after work on Friday, then takeaway and maybe a film or something. But my friend Adam had other ideas. It's funny, when you're single like me, certain friends seem to think that they have to help out, like it's some kind of horrible disease to be single. So he devised a cunning plan for us to go to hotel bars, where there would be an abundance of single females (or so his theory went). I've previously resisted but on Friday I just thought 'why not?' - at the very least it will shut him up. And if it doesn't work, well, that's ammunition. So, me and a couple of others met up at a pub opposite the train station for the inaugural 'Operation Hotel Bar'. It was a cheap and cheerful gastro-pub with fruit machines and the occasional young child running about. I sang that annoying song to myself - 'I've got a feeling, that tonights gonna be a good night...' - except I substituted the word 'good' for something else. We moved on to a much more classy bar on the opposite side of the road. A pint cost £3.50 but luckily it wasn't my round. We found comfy leather seats in the corner of a grand room whose walls were covered by large paintings in golden frames. A group of about a dozen (much) older women talked amongst themselves in the corner. I went to the toilet and there was an old man in a tuxedo at the hand-dryer. "It would be easier to meet people at a funeral" I thought as I sunk back in to my chair. And even IF there were single attractive businesswomen there (on a Friday night?) then we would still have to actually talk to them and do those things that tend to trip us up. When we left that bar we walked down City Road, heading towards town. We walked in to another hotel bar and then did an 'about turn' when it soon dawned upon us that we were the only people in there (of course we were, anyone staying at that hotel would be out in town, not holed up in the bar!!). We went in to the bar at the Premier Inn and did a one-eighty when we saw more kids. I was quite enjoying myself by this point - I was being proven right that Adam's plan was fundamentally flawed. Haha. Getting thirsty we ended up in Revolution - not a hotel bar but a very busy vodka bar with pumping dance music ("It's very loud in here!") and a very young crowd. We shared two pitchers of vodka and hardly spoke a word, my friends in Gawp Mode. I decided I wasn't having much fun - and was feeling a bit under the weather - so went home. Next day I felt a bit rough. Not properly hungover but teetering on the brink. I drank a can of Orange Tango which I've heard is meant to be a good hangover cure but it didn't make the slightest bit of difference. Early evening I got a text message asking whether I was going out (as I normally do on a Saturday) and, being honest, I could quite easily have given it a miss. However, hair of the dog and all that, I threw on a shirt and headed in to town. Ding ding, seconds out, round two... First up was Living Room, our usual meeting point. It was a bit dead in there so we drank up and went to Duttons nearby, which was heaving (not quite sure why). We got a small table next to a party of girls dressed as cats. I find it very unfair that at Halloween blokes have to make a real effort and girls can just put on some cats ears and draw whiskers on with eyeliner and that constitutes an 'outfit'. There was a guy working behind the bar who had blood all over his shirt and a bandage across his head. "You wanna get that seen to, mate" I said to him, as he poured my drink. Fair play to him, he laughed politely, probably for the umpteenth time that night. We moved on to Dakota, opposite the cathedral (the venue I did speed-dating for the first time) and then ended up in Havanas. Shamefully, I left at midnight for the second successive night, feeling dodgy. I had a TERRIBLE nights sleep and woke with the worst hangover I have ever had*. You know, when it's that bad that you find yourself groaning out loud to yourself? Hair of the dog indeed. * - I would like to point out that I hardly ever get hangovers because I hardly ever get drunk!

Overheard...

2009-10-31T16:32:27Z

I heard one of the funniest things I have ever heard today. I was in town for an appointment at my optician. As I headed home, I was walking alongside a mother, holding hands with her daughter. On the main street in Chester a busker was playing... "This is my favourite song!" chirped the cute little girl. "Born To Be Wild???!" her mum said, shocked (well, more amused than shocked, really). Haha. I was laughing to myself all the way back to my car. I'm sure people must have thought I was mad.

Film 2009

2009-10-29T12:55:18Z

I've watched a number of films over the past month or so. I'll mark them in chronological order... Wondrous Oblivion is an independent British film set in the 50's, about how cricket breaks down boundaries when a black family move in to a white neighbourhood. It's a touching film that is funny in parts [72/100] and the undoubted moral of the story is that if everyone played cricket, the world would be a better place. :) I also watched a couple of films set in places I have visited. First up was The Beach, starring a traveler (Leonardo DiCaprio), searching for his own paradise in Thailand. I love the sense of adventure, exploration and freedom and was also quite partial to Virginie Ledoyen too [88/100]. The beach in question is Phi Phi, in Southern Thailand, one of my top recommendations for people who ask me about Thailand. Another film set in Thailand is Bangkok Dangerous, starring Nicolas Cage. I only watched it because I saw a clip of the floating market on the trailer and didn't really expect to enjoy it, but it was a good film [71/100]. It starts with one of those Hollywood Blockbuster style voice-overs in which Cage says "There are four rules to being an assassin..." Clearly though he breaks the rule about 'not getting involved' when he starts dating the deaf Thai woman from the chemist. Schoolboy error. One Missed Call is like a hands-free 'Final Destination' - with lots of good-looking teenagers getting knocked off one-by-one in a series of inventive manners [63/100]. A person would get a phone call from the previous victim telling them about their own imminent demise - which begs the question, WHY ANSWER THE PHONE??! It's just asking for trouble. 10,000 BC was actually quite entertaining although perhaps the least factually correct film ever made (woolly mammoths did not help in the construction of the pyramids!!). I liked the not-so-subtle message that, hey, people of any tribe/colour/facial appendage can get on [72/100]. Kevin Bacon witnesses the killing of his son in a driveby shooting in Death Sentence and then sets about avenging it. It was a good film, very tense in parts, and taught me the valuable lesson that gangs look fun. 80/100. The Haunting In Connecticut is based on a true story, about a family who move in to a house that was previously used by an undertaker to embalm dead bodies [83/100]. Inevitably the house was haunted and the ghostly goings-on were based on actual true events... although having watched the documentary on the DVD extras, I'm not sure I believe the validity of the families claims (the mother was being interviewed when a picture fell off the wall behind her!). Nevertheless, a scary film. I really enjoyed October Sky, a true story about a teenager (Jake Gyllenhaal) from an America mining town, who is so fascinated about Russia's Sputnik program, that he develops his own rockets. It was extremely predictable in parts (i.e his disapproving father turning up for the launch at the end, just as his son is making his 'thank you' speech) but it was an excellent film with the feelgood factor [89/100]. A number of people (including backpackers I met on my last trip) have recommended The Darjeeling Limited to me, about three brothers (including Owen Wilson) who go on a spiritual journey across India [73/100]. It's a very slow moving (dark) comedy, with a very loose plot, but India looks vibrant and there is one fantastic scene in the train, the camera moving from carriage to carriage, that reminds me of Michel Gondry's music video for Massive Attack's 'Protection' (one of my favourite ever music videos). And last but not least, I watched No Country For Old Men the other night. I thought it was excellent and brilliantly directed. It's funny, you tend not to think of psychopathic killers having floppy fringes, do you? [91/100]

Don't Stop Me Now...

2009-10-27T17:12:01Z

Perhaps inevitably I got stood up by my 'date' at the wedding reception on Saturday. She didn't turn up and I haven't heard a thing from her since. A wedding reception is not a good place to be stood up. I was sat on a large round table with three other couples, but next to me was an empty seat and her name-tag, should I forget her name. And then the DJ started playing music and (of course) all of the songs are such joyous songs about how great love is and how we're all 'having the time of our lives'. I felt like glassing the DJ when 'Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball' came on. I felt pretty humiliated and hurt (two emotions that tend to crop up quite a lot in my private life) but I don't really know what to think. The day before I spoke to her and she was "really looking forward to it" and then she doesn't turn up and, strangely, I haven't heard a word since. I'm pretty certain she's just not that type of girl. I wonder whether maybe she has had an accident or something but, realistically, I'll probably get a text message in a few days apologising profusely and probably offering some feeble explanation like she ran out of credit for her phone. On the bright side, I feel very smug that whenever people were getting excited for me on my behalf, I dampened their enthusiasm, and have subsequently been proven right. The most hollow of hollow victories is mine! My theory that I was Jack the Ripper in a previous life (and women-kind are gaining their revenge on me this time round), makes more and more sense... :)

Cover star

2009-10-21T22:13:01Z

I am officially a cover star! No, seriously, let me explain. Last Monday I went to a very nice restaurant for a photography shoot for the Visitors Guide I am currently working on. Some 'models' had been organised for the money shot, a couple having a romantic meal on the terrace, looking across the estuary to Wales. Unfortunately though, they got stuck in a traffic jam, so with the sun going down rapidly I had to stand in with my colleague... It turns out that this photo will be on the cover of the 'Good Food Guide'. Haha. I think it's fair to say that she and I will get lots of stick from our colleagues for this 'romantic' shot! Do you like it though how successfully I have got in character? I could quite easily be someone having a nice meal with their partner. As the sun began to set, the models finally turned up. We wanted pretty much the same shot but with the sunset in the background. The couple would almost be in silhouette, which meant that I had to stand on a wall behind them, as close as possible, holding a flash to add highlights to their faces. The photographer sent me the following (uncropped) photo today... Haha - I look like some kind of magical leprechaun!

Compare the Meerkat

2009-10-19T23:22:09Z

T minus four days until I go to the wedding 'do' with OC2. I texted her the other day to remind her, giving her ample opportunity to back out, but she said she was 'looking forward to it'. Crazy times. I had a good weekend, the perfect cocktail of social interaction and R&R. After a few after-work drinks on Friday, I had takeaway and watched five back-to-back episodes of 'Come Dine With Me'. Admittedly it wasn't the most rock'n'roll Friday night of my life. After spending Saturday almost entirely glued to the couch, I went out on Saturday night. I met with four other friends in 'Living Room' before we headed on to a bar whose name I have forgot. It was quite open plan and had excellent toilet facilities. My friend Graham saw me looking at a girl who walked past and said 'that's the third time you've stared at her, you couldn't make it any more obvious, could you?'. Firstly, in my defence, I wasn't ogling, I just glanced her walking past (and besides, looking at someone doesn't mean you're interested). Secondly, this was coming from my friend Graham, who adopts the posture of a meerkat whenever a girl walks past, i.e bolt upright, wide eyes, head darting frantically side-to-side! On we went to Havana's where we got seats near the busiest part of the bar, next to the stairs leading down to the dance floor. Prime meerkat territory. There was a large 'leaving do' of about twenty women nearby and one of them, the drunkest, observed "you lot are dead refined, like!". I took it as a compliment, meaning we weren't acting drunk, weren't ogling women (or at least, if we were, we were doing surreptitiously) and didn't have tattoos on our necks. "Thanks, we're from Chester" I said mock-snobby (to be fair, us Cestrians are pretty damn posh... I had paté for lunch today). She kept putting her hand on my knee so she could wriggle herself back on to the seat. My friends and I escaped to the dance floor. The music was alright, I went home happy.

Catbells and Helvellyn

2009-10-15T11:32:54Z

I spent last week in the Lake District. A load of friends and I hired out a house for a week in the picturesque town of Keswick. The Lake District doesn't just comprise of lakes, oh no. There are hills, bigger hills (fells) and bigger fells (mountains). Our first walk was up 'Catbells', an undulating path overlooking Derwent Water. It was a fairly gentle introduction but the views from the top were excellent. My friends and I at the top with Lake Derwent in the background. The holiday wasn't just about long walks and liberating mountains though. The day after Catbells we had the inauggural 'Crinkle Crag Crazy Golf Challenge'. Despite being a non-golfer, I finished a highly respectable second (out of eight). Here I am just about to leap for joy after sinking a pressure 'hole-in-one'. The most demanding walk of the holiday was 'Helvellyn', one of England's highest summits. It was an early start, so the mist was still lifting off Ullswater at the beginning of the walk. The walk is famous for a narrow ridge-walk called 'Striding Edge'. Here my brother and I are tackling it... while trying not to think about the drops either side. Me taking a look back at Striding Edge. The summit of Helvellyn was just a half hours rock-climb above. Very spectacular and amazing views. You could see Scotland in the distance. Each night would be spent in old pubs, eating nice food and sipping beers with comical names. Here I am in a ye olde pub called 'Olde Dungeon Ghyll'. The tattoo is fake one btw - I was trying (unsuccessfully) to fool some friends in to thinking I had it done on a drunken night out. The final walk of the holiday was up Bowfell, another of England's tallest peaks. Here we are halfway up, taking a rest. In contrast to the rest of the week, it wasn't the best weather (lots of black clouds around), so it was rather blustery! My brother and I at the top of Bowfell. We made it! The view was completely obscured because we were in the clouds but it made it quite a surreal experience. All in all, a great week. :)

Tattoo

2009-10-11T22:41:33Z

I have spent the past week away with friends. There were twelve of is in total and we hired a place in the Lake District. It was a great week, with lots of long walks and lots of laughs - I'll see if I can post some photos this week. My friend Steven and I saw fake tattoos in a shop so bought one each as a joke. The plan was to see if we could fool any of our other friends to thinking we had actually got a tattoo. Perhaps it goes without saying that we didn't fool them at all. So anyway, I have just got out of the shower and my fake tattoo isn't washing off. I'm in work tomorrow! It's on my arm, so I can easily cover it with a long sleeve shirt, but what if it never comes off? When choosing the design I really went for the kill too, picking one with a skull in burning flames. It's not very me.

The Taylor Account

2009-09-29T20:11:34Z

Livejournal, it's been awhile... Last week I picked my parents up from Manchester Airport. They'd been to a quaint Greek island called Paxos. It's fair to say my parents tan better than me... I barely recognised them at Arrivals. As I was driving them back down the M56, they told me about a book they had both read while they were away, set in the Philippines (where I think I will be island-hopping on my next trip). "You're not really going there" they said, "it sounds very dangerous". I pointed out that a crime fiction novel is bound to sound a bit dangerous!! A while back I posted something about the lack of perspective in the press (a major breakthrough in the treatment of cancer wasn't seen as newsworthy as Michael Jackson's death... or even Farrah Fawcett's come to think of it). It made me wonder just how far down the celebrity fame-ladder they would have to go before they'd run with the cancer story. Then the other day, more good news. Apparently there has been a major breakthrough in the treatment of AIDS this time. Fantastic stuff. I went to the local corner shop near where I work, to get lunch, and glanced at the newspaper rack. One tabloid decided to go with "X-FACTOR STAR USED TO BE STRIPPER!' instead. Haha. On Friday I had a night out in Chester. Me and a few friends met up in Harkers, which was ramjampacked with barely room to stand. It was my turn at the bar and a well-spoken old chap in a suit was being served next to me. When it came time to pay he said "It's on the Taylor account". Simultaneously I got served so when it came time to pay I said "Erm, it's on the Taylor account". Haha. I reckon I could have got away with it too but owned up. We managed to pounce when a table became free and then gradually more friends began turning up. "Chester people look different" observed my friend Beth (who I previously might have referred to as 'one of the Liverpool girls'). When asked to explain the comment she said we were "well-fed", which I think was meant as a compliment. After a few drinks we headed across town to Havana's, my favourite bar in Chester, before cruising on down to Cruise ('Chester's Premier Nightclub'). An acoustic version of The Libertines was being played in the downstaits bar, as I sipped pear cider, then we gradually headed up the floors. It's been a while since I have had a big night out and I'd very nearly forgotten some of my signature dance moves (I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek when I say that). People drifted off at various points until it was just me and Dipak flying the flag at 2.30am. I'd have stayed longer but my knee began feeling a bit sore (I wonder what my physio would say if she knew).

Chugging

2009-09-02T22:57:08Z

I went to my favourite bar/club on Saturday night. It's called Telfords (I allude to it quite a bit on this journal) and it's a live music venue in an old warehouse above the canal. There was a band on. Their description was as follows: 'Chugging blues, gypsy punk and folky polka from this Chester supergroup' Firstly, I've never really agreed with the phrase 'supergroup'. It suggests that the musicians were cherry-picked to form the best band ever, but what it actually means is a ramshackle bunch of misfits whose previous bands all split up, probably because they weren't very good. Where does the 'super' bit come from? Anyway, they were amazing for their first song, really good, then pretty good for the following few songs, but the quality of their songs then deteriorated song-by-song until they were just rather dull and samey. Despite a healthy crowd, me and my mates (and their mates) were lucky to get a table right underneath a speaker in the main bar bit, so conversation was a bit tricky. I felt a little bit old shouting across to my mate "I wish they'd turn the music down a bit". I was drinking a non-alcoholic beer because I was driving. An acquired taste at first but quite drinkable after a while. The other night I watched perhaps the worst film ever made. A while back I was at my friends house and found myself nosing through his DVD collection, as you do. I could definitely detect his girlfriends influence (unless he was a closet romcom aficionado that is). Anyway, my friend picked up a DVD called 'Nine Lives' and told me I should watch it. It had Paris Hilton on the cover. "Any good?" I asked, "No" he said (yet he did recommend it... hmmm). So the other night I was flicking through the Sky channels, looking for a film to watch, but couldn't find anything that my friends and I hadn't seen (I wanted to see 'No Country For Old Men' but 50% of the room had already seen it). Therefore, without any other option, we watched 'Nine Lives', about a group of 20-somethings who stay in a Scottish manor and get killed one by one. It wasn't Oscar-winning stuff but, do you know what, normally I quite enjoy this kind of film. It was really bad though and without any discernable trace of tension whatsoever. Furthermore, there were continuity problems. Just before Paris Hilton snuffed it, she decided to take a bath, which I've noticed a lot of the hot girls like to do in films like this, and without actually showing any nudity, you saw her underwear drop to the floor. But then when she went to investigate some banging on the door, she had her underwear back on. Even had there been gratuitous nudity though, I'd have still marked it 24/100. I haven't updated in a while because a) I haven't had much interesting to write about and b) I've been busy at work (which scandalously had encroached on my lunchbreaks, when I normally write anything LJ-related). But in a nutshell, you haven't missed much. I went to the physio today to see how I'm getting on with my knee exercises (I got it through a 'sport injury' - sounds more impressive that way). The physio is strangely attractive and gave me a new exercise that involved stepping on a Yellow Pages phone directory. "Can I use any phone directory or does it have to be Yellow Pages?" I asked her. It's rapier wit like that that makes me irresistible to women. What else, what else? Ah yeah, me and a load of mates have booked a cottage in the Lake District in five weeks time, which means a week of fresh air, long walks, mountain climbs and good food. I hope my (sport injury) knee can keep up. Apart from that, no news, no gossip, nothing to see here, move on please.

A Good Week

2009-08-13T23:13:48Z

It's been a great week. Firstly my boss has allowed me a month to go traveling next year again, around March. I've already done quite a bit of planning but now it's definitely on the cards I can research with renewed vigour. Secondly, work has been really enjoyable. I've been doing photo-shoots and Photoshop work for six book festival posters I am designing and then today I spent all morning playing about in a lavender maze with three cute kids! It was the first photo-shoot for the next Wirral Visitors Guide which I have been asked to design. Thirdly - and you're the first person I've told about this - I asked OC2 (Office Crush II) whether she'd like to go to a wedding reception with me in October, which is unbelievable in itself but nowhere near as unbelievable as her response... SHE SAID YES. No word of a lie. Of course something will happen between now and then and she'll end up not going for whatever reason but the fact is, right at this moment, she thinks my company is worthy of sacrificing a Saturday night for! I had a really nice tuna sandwich for lunch on Wednesday. There was a helicopter circling above... I wonder what was going on...

The Wotsit Show

2009-08-11T14:19:28Z

"...it certainly was mighty fine hog alright!" "Thank you very much Julian." "Pleasure." "Tune in to Wotsit's Weekends the same time next week for more from Julian but let's now go back to the girls in the studio where Nancy is joined by our fashion correspondent, Shaznay Bopara..." "Thanks Des. Yes, welcome along to Wotsit Daytime. I'm now joined on the couch by our resident fashionista, Shaznay, welcome to the show..." "Pleasure to be here, Nancy." "It's a packed show today as we are going to be looking at some of James's fashion successes AND failures this season. Shaznay, let's start by taking a look at some footage taken recently. What do you make of James's ensemble here?" "Well, he has kept it very simple with bold colours, a look which is definitely in this season. Sports Casual is a difficult look to get right but..." "I'm sorry Shaznay but i'm going to have to interrupt you there as we have some breaking news. Over to Pamela on the news-desk." THIS IS WOTSIT TV... 24 HOUR COVERAGE, 365 DAYS A YEAR "Good afternoon, I'm Pamela Pope. We have confirmed reports that James's Office Crush has accepted an invitation to accompany James to a wedding in October. Details are sketchy at this moment in time but we do know that James was invited to a wedding in Liverpool on Saturday 24th October. As exclusively revealed on Wotsit Gossip last week, James emailed his O.C to ask whether she would like to join him and unsubstantiated reports suggest that she has accepted. More as and when we get it." WOTSIT NEWS, THE FIRST FOR EXCLUSIVES "Thank you Pamela. Wow, news doesn't get much bigger than that. I'm joined on the couch this afternoon by our regular fashion correspondent Shaznay Bopara. This is a stunning development, what are your thoughts?" "Well we often talk about the correlation between good fashion and..." "I'm sorry Shaznay but i'm going to have to interrupt as we have more breaking news. Over to Carl in the helicopter..." "......" "Hello Carl, can you hear me?" "......" "Well I'm afraid our line isn't too good at the moment but..." "HELLO NANCY, CAN YOU HEAR ME?" "Carl, what can you tell me?" "Yes, I can confirm that James is on the move. He's just walked out of his office and is walking down the street. He's walking down the street Nancy. He has just exchanged pleasantries with a woman he walked past... we'll see if we can get more details on that and, yes, he's just crossed the road. Keep with us on this Nancy..." "We certainly will Carl. Where do you think he is heading?" "I'm sorry?" "I said, where do you think he is heading, Carl?" "Could you repeat that Nancy? It's very noisy with these propellers..." "I SAID, WHERE DO YOU THINK HE IS HEADING?" "Well, that's the million dollar question isn't it? He seems to be heading in the direction of a small local sandwich shop. In fact... yes, I can confirm, he has just walked IN to the shop. Incredible. James has walked in to Beryl's Sandwich Shop and speculation is rife that he is intending to buy himself some lunch. Back to you in the studio." "What a day for news! Shaznay, what do you make of that?" "Before I answer, can you please allow me to finish, I'm fed up of you asking for my opinion, only to butt in and shoot off to some exclusive. I'm paid to come on to this show to provide insight and expertise so don't you think it's time you treated me with at least a modicum of respect?" "Of course Shaznay, I apologise. So, what do you make of this stunning development?" "Well, I think it's fascinating that he should be going to get himself some lunch. Interestingly, research suggests that brightly coloured clothes can affect appetite and..." "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to cut in there Shaznay, back over to Carl in the helicopter. Hello Carl..." "....." "HELLO CARL, CAN YOU HEAR ME?" "Hi Nancy, loud and clear... Hello? Hello?" "We can hear you Carl, what have you got for us?" "I can reveal that James has now left Beryl's Sandwich Shop. That's right, he has LEFT Beryl's Sandwich Shop. As suspected, he did indeed go to get his lunch and, I'll see if we can get a close-up on this Nancy, yes, he bought himself a tuna baguette, a packet of Quavers and a Yorkie. The whole transaction came to three pounds as it was part of their 'meal deal'. James is now walking back to his office. It's a beautiful sunny day, it really is, and he is now using his swipe card to re-enter the building. Speculation is rife that he will eat the items he purchased on arrival back to his desk. Back to you in the studio Nancy." "Extraordinary stuff. I'm afraid to say that Shaznay has left us... I'm, erm, not really too sure what that was all about, my apologies, but I'm delighted to welcome Professor Ruben Stroganov to the show, chief lecturer in Flirtology at London University. Good afternoon." "Good afternoon Nancy." "We'll be talking to Ruben more after a commercial break..." WOTSIT TV, NOW AVAILABLE IN HD ON CHANNEL 905 "He did what? Really? WOW!" Fed up of missing the latest James gossip? Feeling left behind? Now you can get the latest Wotsit news sent directly to your mobile. Simply phone 0800 Wotsit and press option 3. The latest Wotsit news, on the move. . "I'm not sure, I think I'll give it a miss..." "Oh come on Maggie, it'll be fun!" "Well... okay then, I'll meet you outside in five minutes!" Wotsit Sanitary Towels. The freedom to do what you like, when you like. . Vogue, you got to just, Let your body move to the music, Come on vogue, Let your body go with the flow, You know you can do it - vogue. "Wotsit Sports Casuals, now on sale" Let your body move to the music, Vogue, vogue, vogue, vogue, vogue. . "Welcome back to the Wotsit Afternoon Show. I'm joined this afternoon by Professor Ruben Stroganov, chief lecturer in Flirtology at London University. Professor, it's been an eventful afternoon, the breaking story about James buying his lunch has knocked us all for six but now if I may, I'd like to return to the story that James's Office Crush has agreed to accompany him to a wedding in October. Professor, what do you make of this development." "Well it's an interesting development, that's for sure. Of course James and his Office Crush used to email each other on a regular basis when they worked together and..." "Sorry to interrupt Professor, here is a picture of her in action at work" "Erm yes. So when they worked together there was talk about meeting for lunch and even nights out in Chester, but then she got another job and email contact dropped off..." "What a shame." "It certainly was Nancy. They did exchange occasional text messages but it seemed that this particular unhealthy office obsession had died in the water. Until this afternoon that is." "And what do you make of her accepting James's invitation? A good sign, surely?" "Well, it really is impossible to tell. We have managed to get hold of the actual email she sent to James and if you analyse it closely she says 'it would be great to catch up. We will have a laugh'. What that can mean is anybody's guess. But the fact that she is willing to commit to a Saturday night is a healthy sign." "The phrase 'have a laugh' troubles me Professor, what do you make of that?" "Well, this is interesting. Firstly it shows that she is relaxed in James's company and perhaps, to a certain degree at least, enjoys it" "Extraordinary." "It really is. And if you analyse the email further, it did not end with kisses but some kind of cryptic secret language, a colon followed by a closed bracket." "That's a smiley, Professor." "A smiley?" "Yes, turn your head to the side, watch your beard in your coffee. See, it looks like a smiley face?" "My god, it does. That's incredible. She clearly is happy at the prospect of meeting up with James, to such a degree she is willing to communicate her happiness via a secret language consisting of punctuation. My word." "On that bombshell Professor, it's one o'clock, time for the news..." THIS IS WOTSIT TV... 24 HOUR COVERAGE, 365 DAYS A YEAR "Hi, i'm Fabrizio" "And i'm Pamela. The time is one o'clock and this is Wotsit News..." "Coming up..." "The Meal Deal... It's tuna sandwich for lunch." "The Bells, the bells. James's Office Crush accepts wedding invitation" "And also this hour, short sleeve or not short sleeve, that is the question" THIS IS WOTSIT TV... 24 HOUR COVERAGE, 365 DAYS A YEAR "But first, we are live in Paris where the Wotsit Sports Casual range is released to critical acclaim..."

Jolly Good Show

2009-08-10T23:10:04Z

I went to a summer fundraiser event last night. It was held in the gardens of a farm in the village I grew up in and there were well over a hundred people there. It was a 'hog roast' but there were also lots of games too, like skittles and welly-throwing (or 'Saughall's Strongest Man' as I billed it to get more people involved). I spent a large proportion of the evening behind the bar and particularly enjoyed asking my father for ID when he came to get served. As well as raising funds for the cricket club, it was also a fundraiser for The Conservative Club, a group of frightfully well-spoken traditionalists. I spoke to two of the sweetest old ladies at one point whose English was so prim and proper they would make the Queen sound like Lily Allen. At another point I was chatting to perhaps the poshest person I have ever spoken to... I think his name was Rupert and at one point he actually used the word 'snorter' to describe something he liked a lot (at another point he said 'jolly good show'). I was asked to supply some music, so took along an indie compilation I once made. In hindsight 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' was never going to go down well in such refined company. Over a thousand pound was raised and it was a really enjoyable evening.

Physio

2009-08-05T23:56:26Z

I went to see the physio after work today, about my dodgy left knee (long story, cricketing injury). I secretly hoped that I'd neep an operation because that's like a magic wand and an instant cure (although in fairness, anything with anaesthetic and sharp implements can hardly be called a 'walk in the park'). However, after lots of probing and stretching I was told that apparently I don't stand properly! I lock my knees when I'm stood straight which isn't the correct way to stand! I didn't realise there was a right and wrong way. So basically I have been given three exercises that I must do regularly before I see the physio again in a month. One of the exercises entails me lying on my back on the floor, knees bent, then thrusting my hips skywards like a pornstar attempting something a little bit different, while another of the exercises is just a gentle bending and straightening of the knees when stood upright, a bit like a slightly curious village bobbie.

Two tone

2009-08-03T23:27:00Z

My hotel room didn't have a sensibly located shaving point, which meant that by the end of my week away, I had facial hair somewhere between designer stubble and a beard. Problem is, it was very sunny and of course since I was spending most of the time outdoors either playing or watching cricket, it meant that *stop press* I actually caught the sun! (It's funny, I catch the sun on cricket tour but don't when I'm backpacking a month through Asia - mainly because I seek the sun on cricket tour but hide from it in Asia). So yeah, anyway, now I'm back home in England and i'm scared of shaving my stubble/beard because I'll have a two-tone face. I've got to wait until my 'tan' disappears (should take about a day).

Holland tour, day one

2009-07-27T14:14:51Z

Here I am once again in Amsterdam, on my yearly cricket tour. I'm in a dingy student backpacker internet place that just has one fan in the corner, lazily rotating and not really cooling down the 18 people in this cramped room. I'm easily hotter now than at any internet place I have been to in Asia! Each year I travel to Holland with a cricket club called Economists, made up of Economics lecturers from Salford University, near Manchester. We fly out on Sunday, play matches on Monday to Friday (all around Holland, using their excellent train services) and then fly home in time for the weekend. Our flight on Sunday morning took off at 7.20am, which meant that my alarm clock rang at the ungodly hour of 4.30am... I didn't particularly feel in the holiday mood as I stomped zombie-like around my house, doing my last-minute packing. The flight from Liverpool to Amsterdam takes just one hour and I was sat near a stag party of older gents, each wearing a green T-shirt with the slogan 'Sex, Drugs and Sausage Rolls'. It was drizzly when we took off from Liverpool (John Lennon Airport - 'above us only sky') but glorious sunshine when we arrived at Amsterdam's massive Schipol airport. A train ticket to Amsterdam Zuid cost just four euros and then a five minute tram journey took us to the museum quarter, where our hotel is located. It's a great location, sandwiched between the famous museums (Van Gogh, Stedjeliik and the imposing Riijksmuseum) and Vondelpark. It's a ten minute walk in to central Amsterdam and our favourite meeting point Leidseplein, a large square surrounded by bars. In the glorious sunshine we sat, drinking extotionately priced beer (6 euros for a pint!!) at 'Three Sisters' and I thought 'the holiday starts here'. My hotel room though is without doubt the worst room I have ever stayed in. Four of us are sharing and our room comprises of just two bunk beds and a narrow walkway inbetween. In other words, no wardrobe, TV, cupboards or in fact any flat surface whatsoever! It's just like a prison cell. Furthermore we don't have air conditioning or even a fan and one of the people I am sharing with is the loudest snorer I have ever heard! 'Still the bed is comfy' I thought as I slung myself on the bottom bunk, before feeling a sharp sensation in my back which turned out to be a broken spring in the mattress. Backpacker heaven. Complaining aside though, it's cheap, centrally located and we don't spend much time in the room anyway. After most people took a brief siesta, we got ready for the night out and walked to Liedseplein, where we got a prime people-watching spot looking out on to the square. There are a wide assortment of street performers, the most renowned of which perhaps is an old guy who has been there for years (this is my ninth tour here and he was here for the first). He's a frail looking eccentric old man in scruffy clothes who all of a sudden strips off in the square, down to the skimpiest of thongs, and then performs impressive gymnastic skills on a rope, ten foot off the ground, to music. The look of bemusement on people's faces is brilliant. Then of course when he has finished he walks around collecting tips - it makes a great photo opportunity, someone you know handing an old man wearing nothing but a luminous green thong some money! We all ate at an Argentinian steak-house (I had fajitas) then went over the road to 'N-Joy' to round off the night. We discovered it about five years ago - a small cocktail bar on two levels that makes the best cocktails you could ever taste. A sure sign of a good cocktail bar is the length of time it takes to make them, and we waited patiently for ours to arrive. I opted for a Kentucky Mule, which was gingery to say the least. There were 12 of us in all so it was fun tasting each others. C&S Delight (with cucumbers) and any Mojitos (with mint) are my favourites. One friend had a Summer Fruits cocktails which was very nice, although on reflection tasted just like a 9 euro ribena! Today most of the squad is playing our first match of the tour in Utrecht. I'd probably have gone along to watch but needed a long lie-in after yesterdays lack of sleep. Tomorrow is my first match, the longest trip of the week, away at Deventer.

Pain

2009-07-16T12:24:18Z

What is the most pain it's possible to be in? Being tortured by Jack Bauer? Childbirth? Well, comfortably eclipsing those was the pain I was in yesterday. I went to a wedding and wore a new pair of shoes on. Each step was like having a razor blade dragged down my archilles tendon. The wedding itself was nice, staged at a posh hotel that used to be an old airport. The interior was very Art Deco, like the interior to the Titanic. My friend Maz tied the knot, seven million photos were taken, then we all sat down to eat. Mmm, salmon. Afterwards a group of us went out in to Liverpool, starting at Newz bar, one of the city's swishest bars. Cool sketches of famous people hung on the walls and we had a prolonged conversation about literature (it sounds very high-brow when you word it like that - we were actually just talking about our favourite books). Afterwards we went to Slug and Lettuce, where we stayed for a few hours before grabbing a bite to eat at a fast-food place called 'The Lobster Pot' (that I'm pretty sure didn't have any lobster on the menu at all). Graham and I then jumped on the last train back to Chester, ensuring we didn't share carriages with a rather rowdy group of drunk 40 somethings who were making a lot of noise on the platform. It was my birthday at the start of this week. I'm sure there are better ways to celebrate than a rainy Monday spent in work! I still had a good day though - lots of nice messages on Facebook and on my mobile phone and, as is tradition, I bought everyone cakes at work. The night before I went around to my parents for a birthday meal. I practically ate my own bodyweight in food. A starter, a main course, a second helping (just as big as the first serving), a dessert and then cheese and crackers. I didn't feel too spritely afterwards. My mobile phone has been playing up lately. On the rare occasions I get a phone call it cuts out and there are various other faults too - the most of annoying of which is that the back keeps falling off. So I called Vodafone. The young lady I spoke to tried to talk me through ways to 'fix' the problems. I reckon in the 45 minute phone call she must have used the phrase "just bear with me for a few seconds" at least thirty times. Everything we tried didn't work so I organised for a new phone to be sent out. "What model would you like?" I was asked. I'll be honest, I haven't got the faintest idea about phones or 3G or bluetooth, so opted for "the best phone I can get for free, please." So long as it can make phone calls and send text messages that will do me!

Doctors Waiting Room

2009-07-08T22:07:46Z

I wonder whether the terrible music that is always played in doctors waiting rooms (and the rubbish selection of magazines) is all part of a grand masterplan to discourage people from feeling ill. I mean, if you're a hypochondriac, you're gonna pick a doctors with decent reading material, right? Such thoughts occupied my head on Monday, as I waited to see my doctor. I like playing 'Guess the Ailment' when in waiting rooms, to pass time. Sometimes it's really obvious - you'll see someone with a bloodied bandage around their head for example - but sometimes it's less obvious. A perfectly healthy-looking teenager and his perfectly healthy-looking dad sat opposite me reading a magazine about golf, a sweet old lady sat to my left and a young child didn't seem at all ill as she played with building bricks in the corner. I rummaged through the entire pile of magazines and the only one I could find that was of any interest whatsoever to me was one about walking. Can you believe they can fill whole magazines about walking? Just as I was starting to read an article titled 'Top 10 Flasks' my name was called. I was at the doctors because my knees have been really sore lately (old age - aaargh!). He asked a few questions, felt the side of my knee as I did a few stretches and then referred me to a specialist. Another waiting room to experience!